Today was the day I had been waiting for for two years. I had booked the plane ticket months in advance, I bought the concert ticket exactly when it dropped at midnight, the moment I found out it was happening I had booked an Airbnb a whole country away just to see my favorite singer. Today was the day I was going to meet someone I had found myself in love with.
It seemed like the stars had put us together and the universe had conspired for us to finally meet. There was nothing that could convince me otherwise. So as I stood in that concert line my heart was racing and I felt like the moment I saw him he’d look at me and we would just fall in love and the world would know we were meant to be. Though sometimes things don’t work out like you plan them to.
As the concert went on and he looked everywhere but at me and he smiled at girls that looked nothing like me my heart sank. I thought maybe he just hasn’t noticed me yet. But as the night rolled on I found myself enjoying the music even without him noticing me.
As the concert ended and everyone went home and I went back to my rental there was a heaviness to my heart but there was a lightness on my back. He didn’t notice me, everything that told me we were meant to be seemed like it was really just a fantasy. And although I thought it would hurt more than it did it felt more like a relief than anything.
I knew at that point I didn’t have to spend any more nights fantasizing about a moment that would never happen. I could allow myself the reality that he wasn’t the one for me. I could look for someone else without feeling guilty, because I had convinced myself that if the feelings were real I would have regretted being with anyone else.
So I had stayed single for those years just to know what would happen if I saw him in person. I had turned down suitors and I had worked on myself and I was finally at the point where I knew I was complete in myself and worthy of someone to spend the rest of my life with. At this moment the only heaviness was that I realized it wasn’t going to be with him.
But I couldn’t help but smile because for a moment I spent time with someone I will always love just as they are. So when I got home and everyone asked how it went I smiled and I said I finally got to see him. And my herb garden, my coworkers, my friends and my family were never happier to see me come home.
I know that if it wasn’t him that’s all right because I’d find someone and they would have all the traits that he had that I adored but this person would love me. So when I got home I looked at my dream catcher where a very special pin will always rest and I smiled and said a small prayer. I prayed that he continue to light up the day for the world to see and I was grateful for the moments that his music got me through some of the hardest moments of my life
The Journey 